I decided to walk home from Temple's campus on Thursday night.
It was nice out - brisk but unseasonably warm too.
The sun was peaking out just so, and I wanted to let it seep into my skin just a bit more.
So I began my walk; I headed straight up 13th sreet, then took a left at Girard.
Stay on the main streets, I told myself.
Your 'hard' face ain't gonna scare nobody for real.
So stay on the main streets I did.
It was nice, my walk.
Filled with Lizz Wright, and India, and Traci, and Corinne.
It was smiles and oh it's so nices, and pretty flowers.
It was seeing parts of North Philly I hadn't yet seen by foot.
Until it wasn't.
Until I got to Girard. Up Girard.
Until I got to the dark.
By that time, the sun had set, no longer illuminating my way.
I was affected by the darkness.
The absence of light had awakened in me a stiffness,
Where before there was just easy and breezy and lalalala-y.
I became stiff, and untrusting,
I developed a twitch at the neck - looked back every few seconds to keep the dude behind me in check.
All I saw was brokenness, and abandonment.
'Shady' lookin gas stations and rinky-dink stores.
All I saw was dark.
And then I was pissed.
Why was I feeling so uptight?
Why was the darkness changing me so?
Why did I let it?
It was like, as soon as I stopped seeing white folks I became nervous.
No - it wasn't like, oh, there are no white people around, that makes me nervous.
It was 'coincidence' (I think not) that this shady darkness was indeed full of dark people.
What is it about the shadows, about blackness - both literal and metaphorical - that scares.
I mean, I'm critical of these things.
Why in the hell did I let myself be scared?
Clutching my bags tighter and tighter as I walked past people.
It's because this area is dangerous, I told myself.
The Kensington strangler, the boat loads of shootings, etc. that grace the news reported live from this block.
That's why I was scared.
But still, I was pissed.
Even more pissed when I got to the place that was well lit,
And suddenly the mouth went up,
The shoulders came down,
The grip - loosened.
And 'coincidentally' there were less and less brown people.
And somehow I was relieved.
Relieved. Relieved. Relieved.
Relieved.
Have I got to a place where I feel more comfortable being the only one (or two or three)?
It was nice out - brisk but unseasonably warm too.
The sun was peaking out just so, and I wanted to let it seep into my skin just a bit more.
So I began my walk; I headed straight up 13th sreet, then took a left at Girard.
Stay on the main streets, I told myself.
Your 'hard' face ain't gonna scare nobody for real.
So stay on the main streets I did.
It was nice, my walk.
Filled with Lizz Wright, and India, and Traci, and Corinne.
It was smiles and oh it's so nices, and pretty flowers.
It was seeing parts of North Philly I hadn't yet seen by foot.
Until it wasn't.
Until I got to Girard. Up Girard.
Until I got to the dark.
By that time, the sun had set, no longer illuminating my way.
I was affected by the darkness.
The absence of light had awakened in me a stiffness,
Where before there was just easy and breezy and lalalala-y.
I became stiff, and untrusting,
I developed a twitch at the neck - looked back every few seconds to keep the dude behind me in check.
All I saw was brokenness, and abandonment.
'Shady' lookin gas stations and rinky-dink stores.
All I saw was dark.
And then I was pissed.
Why was I feeling so uptight?
Why was the darkness changing me so?
Why did I let it?
It was like, as soon as I stopped seeing white folks I became nervous.
No - it wasn't like, oh, there are no white people around, that makes me nervous.
It was 'coincidence' (I think not) that this shady darkness was indeed full of dark people.
What is it about the shadows, about blackness - both literal and metaphorical - that scares.
I mean, I'm critical of these things.
Why in the hell did I let myself be scared?
Clutching my bags tighter and tighter as I walked past people.
It's because this area is dangerous, I told myself.
The Kensington strangler, the boat loads of shootings, etc. that grace the news reported live from this block.
That's why I was scared.
But still, I was pissed.
Even more pissed when I got to the place that was well lit,
And suddenly the mouth went up,
The shoulders came down,
The grip - loosened.
And 'coincidentally' there were less and less brown people.
And somehow I was relieved.
Relieved. Relieved. Relieved.
Relieved.
Have I got to a place where I feel more comfortable being the only one (or two or three)?
